Why do I get anxious when I relax?

The following is what I wrote last night in my journal:

"I guess I'm just confused.. I feel like I should have more of a purpose.. I have had so much time to sit around and can't decide if I'm living wrong and should be more disciplined and direct w/ the pod.

Podcast goals:

Weekly:

Upload 3 videos for each episode

Update blog once a week

Yearly:

Grow pod to 1,000 listeners

Grow instagram to 1,000 followers

Writing this inspired me to create my first blog post and I feel great afterwards.

There seems to be a theme here.. I feel guilty or empty and that I should be doing something.. So I run, or write.. or breathe.. or post a blog.. or record a pod.. or call a friend, or prepare for a podcast.. It seems to be my bodies way of reminding me to do more.. once I do more, I get a sense of satisfaction and then that desire comes back again. It seems to be about listening to my body and riding that wave, rather than expecting the tide to change when I want it to."

Ok, so lets sum that up.. I was feeling very anxious, lazy and empty.. and I feel that after I go for a run, prepare for my podcast, or fulfill my duties at work, etc... I feel much better. This seems obvious but it's strange.. its like my body knows that I could be doing more. Another way of looking at it is that no matter how comfortable I make myself, intuitively I know that there are things I could be doing that matter.. Once I do those things, I feel at ease and I get a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.

Looking at it in this way helps. It's a reminder that when I feel anxious about my being lazy.. that it means there are things I need to tend to. What works for me lately is to whoop out my journal and make a list of all the things I could complete that day and throughout the week and then I get cracking on it.

It is important to note as well that the goal is to ride the way.. so sometimes that wave will call for a nap.. or rest.. or relaxation.. or popcorn and a movie god dammit.. but life can't and won't always be those things.. You have to ride the wave.