Believing in Myself

I'm noticing patterns in the way I think and act that do not serve me.

These patterns and thoughts are protective mechanisms that were put in place long ago to protect me from feeling unloved, uncomfortable, or unworthy.

These thoughts say:

• "Don't approach this person. They will reject you."

• "Don't speak your mind about this topic. You will look like a fool."

• "Don't look that woman in the eyes. She will reject you. She will laugh at you."

• "Don't pursue that job position. You are not qualified and you will fail"

I used to feel bad for myself as well.

I used to believe that this excused me from taking risks and pursuing things I wanted to.

I would think:

"I have this problem, so others are obligated to be kind, to lend a hand, because I am not able to take these risks myself."

"They don't understand this fear."

I hadn't event realized I was playing the victim because I genuinely believed something was wrong with me.

Lately however, I've been realizing that those messages have no base in reality and that I'm simply projecting my worse fear into the future.

In otherwords, I'm protecting myself from rejection or harm.

There are many ways to refer to this voice.

• Loyal Soldier: (A term used in Nature and the Human Soul by Bill Plotkin)A part of you that was developed in childhood development to protect you from being cast out from your family or friend group

• The Devil: (Referred to in Christian religion)

The first step for me is realizing that this is how this voice operates and why.

Now when I hear this voice, it still affects me.

It still brings about emotions that are unwanted.

It makes me feel afraid,

doubtful,

unworthy.

But I can atleast remember that what is causing these feelings hasn't been validated and isn't based in reality.

This realization allows for me to decide to respond or bahave in a manner that doesn't align with the fear.

Instead I can respond in a way that aligns with my intentions.

So,

When I go to the gym,

when I go on a date,

when I go to work,

when I spend time with my family,

when I do anything,

I can set intentions for how I want to show up in those situations

&

Have the courage to take action that is aligned with those intentions.

I will not always have the courage to take those actions.

I will shy away from challenges.

I will give into fear or discomfort.

and I can have grace in these moments and forgive myself.

And more imporantly,

I can always bounce back and do my best in this moment and in the future.